I have had something very drastic and life changing happen to me a couple of monthes ago, not good.
I know God, I always have but i've never been up against something so big as what im up against now. I know that God is in control of all, all the time.
what im having a problem with, is me forgiving others, I have never had this problem before. forgivness has always been easy for me and quick, Jesus forgave me, so who am I not to forgive others, but this time is different, its never been so personal.
This time forgivness hasn't been instant or quick, I find myself harboring bad thought towards them, I ask for help and forgiveness from God all day long everyday,
Im guessing that sometimes forgivness is like healing, it takes time.

I went through a very similar thing 6 or 7 months ago. It was very hard. The thing that helped me the most was to say prayers for them.
and to remember that they are in their own bit of darkness, (as we all are to varying degrees). And to remember that on the other side of life, all will be well and we will see each other for who we really are (brothers and sisters full of the utmost love for each other.)

So, saying prayers for those who hurt me helped me a lot. Whenever the strife and anger stirred up in my heart against them, when i would stop and say a prayer for them, my heart would soften. I still get those stirrings, but as soon as I STOP and let peace wash over me and remember that they are seeing through the glass darkly.... and to look to the FUTURE when they will be surrounded by God's love and all of THEIR hurt will drop off of them... it helps me. People do bad things to each other because deep down in their heart they are searching for love and they strike out at others. I try to see others as when they hurt me, they are really crying out for love. (maybe not consciously, mind you...) saying a prayer for them releases anger and helps to pull you out of the muck.
Forgiveness is so freeing to the mind and heart.
Whenever you go through something where you have to forgive someone especially if they feel they did no wrong (that's tough!)... you eventually become much stronger because of it. So, a very bad thing can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. The more you can NOT be offended in this life and the more you FORGIVE others (because you keep your eye on God's promises) the more LOVE you will feel in your own heart and the more LOVE you will essentially be able to extend to others. LOVE is the most powerful thing...

Forgive them anway. Even though, if they feel they did no wrong. Even if they turn things around on you and make you out to be the bad guy. Even if they backstab you and hurt you... and bring others against you. It doesn't matter. Forgive ANYWAY. The power of forgiveness is awesome.

peace to you...

I understand what you are going through. I forgive easily as well until a couple years ago, a best friend for 4 years backstabbed me and did some very personal things in order to hurt me, all because we were both in a beneficial situation, but he figured out how to take everything for himself. Even to this day, what he did to me is very hard and I honestly say he is the first and only person I have ever 'hated' in my life. People have hurt my feelings, and I have been angry with some, but I have never hated anyone until this guy. I found though over the last couple years it has gotten better as I keep telling myself that I need to forgive him and giving it to God. I am still hurt, so it does take time to heal. My suggestion is always keep in mind forgiveness but don't be guilty over not able to forgive right away, it does take time for whatever happened to you hurt you deeply and you need to encourage yourself and heal yourself and love yourself in order to find the strength to let them, or the event go.

Rockclimber... I hope this touches you the way it touched me..

http://www.newsvine.com/_video/2008/07/ ... ons-killer

peace to you friend,
sparrow

I'm back again...
I just clicked on my verse of the day and had to come post it:

Luke 6:35-36
35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Wow Sparrow - just a coincidence? Not!

Keep this in mind RC,
It's not just a matter of 'wounded - healed, wounded - healed' over and over. God is actually transforming you through these circumstances. These deeper offenses are bringing out deeper responses leading to deeper transformation.

blessings,
- Byron

I'm sorry you are hurting also, Rockclimber and I know how you feel.

I know what the Bible means when it says if you hate your brother it's as if you killed him. Man, I have murdered plenty of people with my hate filled thoughts about what they did to wrong me.

I also know what it is to forgive someone and not hold a grudge against them. Sometimes it takes a long time before the hurt finally goes away. And, God has had to remind me of the times I hurt others and they may have a grudge against me. Sometimes we don't always tell the one who harmed us that we are hurt and this is usually because they may humiliate and hurt us again, or my pride gets in the way and I just don't want to humble myself.

I can't tell you what to do, RC, but I pray God will give you a spirit of forgiveness for this person because the anger you feel will only eat you up. Let us know how things go as we all hold you up to God and only he can truly help us forgive.

thanks to all

Byron is so right...
"Deeper transformation" - that's so very true.

Dear RC: I completely understand how you feel. My only grandson is so severely, cruelly, and wretchedly emotionally abused by his step-father. God blessed me with a personality that CANNOT stay mad - yes, like most people, I get mad, and entertain some thoughts about revenge - "I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do that" etc., but praise God, I am unable to stay mad - however, this situation is different - maybe because it's ongoing and so deeply personal. Like sparrow, I've begun to pray for my son-in-law, and God brought to my attention the below article whereby I can now say that I have forgiven my son-in-law; however, my feelings frequently don't line up with the truth of forgiveness. I pray this short article will bless you.

When We Are Treated Wrongly
by Steve McVey
_________________

If you are a typical Christian, you are likely infected with a spiritual disease that is poisoning you on the inside. Many don’t even know they have the problem. Like a cancer, this malady will slowly destroy your spiritual health. It will short-circuit experiencing the fullness of victory in Christ faster than almost anything.

What is this disease? Unforgiveness. Failure to forgive those who have treated us wrongly is an epidemic in the modern church. It robs us of the joy that Jesus came to give us and causes us to become judgmental toward others. It creates an underlying negativity in our attitude that will affect every area of our lives.

What does it mean to forgive? Forgiveness is the deliberate choice to release a person from all obligation he has toward us as a result of any offense he has committed against us. Consider that definition and ask the Holy Spirit if is there is any unforgiveness in you toward any other person.

Misunderstandings About Forgiveness

Many think that there is no need to forgive others because they have a misunderstanding about the meaning of forgiveness. Consider a few of the common faulty beliefs about forgiveness.

1. Time heals all wounds.
Time doesn’t heal all wounds. If you believe that just because you don’t feel the pain of a past offense anymore, it doesn’t need further attention, you’re hurting yourself. Hurts in our lives have an accumulative effect unless we forgive those who wrong us. It produces an underlying anger that will affect the way we relate to everything in life.

Frank Minirth and Paul Meier wrote in their book, Happiness Is A Choice:

Anger is hard to deal with unless an individual realizes it is there. If he becomes angry out of proportion to the actual event, it may be because the event reminded him of another period in his life when he felt inferior and inadequate. The current event reinforced those past feelings and insecurities. Perhaps 25% of his response was to the current situation, and the other 75% was his reaction to feelings that were long ago repressed.

Is your reaction to frustrating incidents in your life out of proportion to the incident itself? Unforgiveness may be the root cause. We live in an angry society. If you doubt that fact, watch the drivers in other cars during your drive to work tomorrow. Watch the evening news. Ours is an angry world. We have all been hurt at times. The only way to be freed from anger is to forgive.

2. To forgive somebody else, I must have feelings of forgiveness.

This is an error that can keep you imprisoned in unforgiveness. Forgiveness is a deliberate choice to release a person. It isn’t a feeling we have. It is a choice we make. Don’t believe the lie that it would be hypocritical to forgive just because you don’t feel it. Our feelings aren’t the basis for our actions as Christians. We live by faith, not feelings.

After we choose to forgive others, healing will gradually come to our feelings. If, however, we wait until we feel like forgiving, it may never happen. Don’t allow negative feelings to keep you from forgiving. Rise above your feelings and act in faith.

3. They don’t deserve to be forgiven.

Of course they don’t! If they deserved it, there would be no need for forgiveness. To forgive someone is to extend grace (undeserved favor) to them. We don’t forgive because others deserve it. We forgive them because we have been forgiven and because we want to be set free from the damaging effects of unforgiveness in our own lives.

The Bible says, “forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Did you deserve God’s forgiveness? He forgave us by His grace. That is how we forgive others. Not because they deserve it, but because we choose to show them grace.

Do you want to be set free from the burden of unforgiveness? Forgiveness is the gateway to freedom from underlying anger, resentment, bitterness, negativity. Never does a Christian more clearly express the indwelling life of Christ than when we forgive those who have wronged us. Don’t be held captive by misunderstandings about forgiveness. Choose, by faith, to release those who have hurt you and you will discover that, in the process, God is releasing you.
“Forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32

I wish more level headed ministers were common. I do not know how many times it needs to be established, that emotions are not the basis for our actions, we live by faith not emotion.

Amen.

I disagree, actually.
When your heart has turned tender towards your enemy, then you know you have truly forgiven in both mind AND soul.
Tenderness involves emotion.

Well, just the way I see it.
I know there are those who disagree.
I don't wish to argue.
Just wanted to share my thoughts.

peace.

Why is it that when it is pointed out that emotion is not a legitimate cause, that people continue to make a hasty generalization that emotion is omitted? It is not. That is a straw man argument. There is no denial that tenderness involves emotion, therefore this is not the disagreement.



You have cause and effect misunderstood. It is a choice to turn your heart tender towards your enemy, your emotion only confirms what you have chosen to do. Therefore the emotion follows the action to confirm a fact, not vise versa. In this case, you know when your emotion has lined up with your choice, that can sometimes be the litmus test of whether or not you have truly forgiven someone; however at the same time, even if you do not feel forgiveness does not mean we did not forgive. The sheer power of the will can overrule whatever emotion still remains, and we can act and behave as one who forgave and is forgiven whether or not we feel it or not. Therefore it remains, forgiveness is not based on emotion, it is based on a conscious choice in which your emotions must follow.

A person who lives by their feelings/emotions is a hedonist, making life's choices based on one's emotional whims and is not a person who lives by faith despite one's emotional whims.

.....To take "whatever makes one happy" as a guide to action means: to be guided by nothing but one's emotional whims. Emotions are not tools of cognition. . . . This is the fallacy inherent in hedonism--in any variant of ethical hedonism, personal or social, individual or collective. "Happiness" can properly be the purpose of ethics, but not the standard. The task of ethics is to define man's proper code of values and thus to give him the means of achieving happiness. To declare, as the ethical hedonists do, that "the proper value is whatever gives you pleasure" is to declare that "the proper value is whatever you happen to value"--which is an act of intellectual and philosophical abdication, an act which merely proclaims the futility of ethics and invites all men to play it deuces wild.
-Ayn Rand, The Virtue of Selfishness, "The Objectivist Ethics".

What is it you exactly disagreeing to?

Craig,

Peace to you.
I choose not to debate.
I will leave my thoughts as they are.
People can take what they want from them, and leave the rest.

,
Sparrow

This is not to be mean, spiteful, or whatever else can be negatively attributed to me for standing up and speaking up on this. My motivation is pure, and comes from a wholesome heart. Let me share what the word DEBATE means: a discussion involving opposing viewpoints, a disagreement through contention by words or arguments. If you choose not to debate, you should never have entered into debate in the first place. Read: 1 Timothy 6:3 So I will leave my thoughts as they are concerning your disagreement

Wayne, make sure the advice you receive comes from a godly spirit and from sound instruction.

Peace to you.

The person who forgives is much more greater than the person who asks forgiveness, People should learn to forgive in order to make this world a peaceful place. But the main thing is that one should learn to forgive but should not forget what he had to face of the other person. Its said God loves them who forgive others.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Simi


Guaranteed ROI
Viral Marketing
Social Media Marketing
Search Engine Submissions
Email Marketing
Search Engine Marketing
Search Engine Optimization

Inspire Internet Marketing

My daughter (a 42-year-old woman) recently reminded me what I told her as a child about forgiveness that impacted her so much that she never forgot it, and that is, if you do not forgive others, you elevate yourself above God.

True forgiveness does not come instantly or easily to mankind if we are being honest with ourselves..welcome to reality...being like Jesus is hard..what in the world were you thinking when you thought it came easily and that now something is wrong because it is hard and you are harboring resentment? Im sorry but your post about forgiveness sounds a little ingenuous or immature or both..get real Dude ..life is for the tough! It sounds to me as if you are trying to Chrstlike through your own groaning, straining effort..wont work..and guess what? God doesn't want you to do that anyway..its pretty arrogant to think you can just decide to be like Jesus...only God can change you and assuming you are indwelt by the Spirit..He is..if He isnt..you'll make it to heaven anyway..just by a different route.. theres a good set of video messages on a site called The House of the Lord http://www.thehouseofthelord.com/ look for the messages by Preston Eby on becoming like Jesus and less like Adam. Relax and enjoy being who you are and where you are..


8 years ago when I lost my wife, my house, my job, my savings, had $17,000 negative net worth went from a new $33,000 Toyota 4 Runner to a 17 year old Merc and was seeing my kids twice a week right after my divorce..THAT was rough ..things have since turned around completely..but I have not forgiven everyone..in fact my bitterness at so called evangelical Christians (more like twisted Augustinians) led me to the truth of UR..if I had smiled at them and went on with them as before I'd still be stuck in the Churchianity mud and thinking they were being Biblical by expecting me to give my earnings to some Pastor or else go broke plus 1,000 other laws and guilt trips..I havent tithed in 7 years and have never regretted stopping *that* insanity..

thank yall very much, yalls posts really did help, the weight was lifted sometime this weekend, it had to be God i dont why how or what, happened, but im good and have been getting better every day, i feel no bitterness towards anyone,
even though my situation is exactly the same, i dont feel the need or want for anger towards anyone. i dont know how to explain it. execpt Gods grace was given to me.

That's so great, Wayne.... I'm really glad for you, bro.

Me, too!!!

Wayne, it is so good to see you have come to that place where you no longer have anger or unforgiveness. I too am going through a dramatic and drastic life changing experience and like StudentoftheWord was saying, I too have never 'hated' anyone until now. It is a horrible feeling and it does affect all other aspects of your life. I am leaving it in Gods hands and pray I too will say what you have said "I no longer hold any unforgiveness or anger against anyone" .... I am calling it in!!!! Forgiveness ....

Peace-n-Luv
GC

Hey, Wayne- just saw this. Thanks God for help - however and whenever it comes!